No More Mister Nice Guy, No More Mister Clean, No More Mister Nice Guy, They Say He's Sick, He's Obscene ― Alice Cooper

Deadpool, The Former Cancer Ridden Test Subject Of Weapon X Turned Merc With A Mouth.

The Postal Dude, The Once Misanthropic Postal Worker Turned Cynical Madman Of Paradise.

Imagine you were screwed over by the government in a way, your life completely ruined from one event you could not help. Maybe you were unrightfully evicted and had everything you once owned taken away, and were forced to be alone. Maybe you were a part of a scientific project which ruined your face, and made you abandon everything you once loved. What do you do, how would you respond to such tragedy… welp, you’d become a clinically insane, guntrotting madman who constantly breaks the fourth wall, and turns even the most mundane tasks into full blown wars and all out mayhem… Okay maybe that's a bad response. But that's the clear theme between our two combatants today. Despite their insanely tragic and dark backstories, they've masked these with crude jokes and even cruder violence, always making anyone who crosses their paths day at least 10 times worse.

But with these similarities, it obviously begs the question. Between these two sleazebag gunslingers, who’d fill the other with enough led to make them feel stupid for ever wanting to pick a fight with the other. Well, I’m here to answer this question, as always. So throw a chimichanga in the microwave and hold your cats close, because this debate will come to an end. Will Deadpool make this fight be The Dudes' last errand? Or will The Postal Dude make sure this is one fight Wade won’t regenerate from. Well, let's find out!

Before We Start…

In terms of media for these two deranged gunmen, they’ve both starred in many bits of media, with canon for either being a bit of a headache considering how many versions of them there are. So after some digging, I think I came to a good conclusion on both of their canon.

For Deadpool, we’ll be trying to stay a bit grounded here. We will be focusing on Deadpool's various adventures in the Marvel 616 universe. So media such as the Fox film trilogy, his appearances in cartoons, or even him starring in video games such as Marvel Vs. Capcom will sadly not be included. (He’s still my main though) But it’s not like this is going to make Wade a very empty character to analyse, quite the opposite as I will also be giving Deadpool some of his more optional equipment, that he’s not seen carrying around regularly, but for the sake of fun and to add to the debate, they will be factored into here. Although this won't include stuff like Wade wielding the continuity gem for a period of time, him becoming the wielder of Mjolnir, or him gaining the abilities of Captain Universe. We still want Deadpool to be… Deadpool in this blog. And it should go without saying that he’d mop the floor with The Dude if he had those lmao.

For The Dude, it was a little more complicated. As in terms of Postals canon, well… There isn't really one. If you’ve been in the Postal community at all, you’d likely know there's many fan theories about all the different Dudes in each game being whole entirely different people, such as fans saying The Dude in the first game is actually the father of The Dude in Postal 2 and onward, as in Postal 4, the main villain is revealed to be The Dudes father, and he quotes the Postal 1 Dude. But while this seems fine on surface, Running With Scissors, the creators of Postal have quite literally said they do not care about lore or canon, and that it’s all pretty much up for interpretation. So with that in mind we will be including all main games, their many add ons and DLC, alongside alternate game modes such as Share The Pain and Enhanced Mode, the god forsaken film, the various short comics that can be found online, and general statements from Running With Scissors. And due to its loose canon and RWS not really caring much, I will also be including crossovers such as Oh Sir, Unfortunate Spacemen, and pretty much anything else I can find. But it should be noted, these are only for equipment, abilities, and feats Dude himself performs. No crosscaling for him unfortunately. With all this said, here is our media list.

Deadpool Media List:

New Mutants.
Deadpool: The Circle Chase.
Cable and Deadpool.
Deadpool Team-Up.
Deadpool Corps.
Thunderbolts.
Deadpool & The Mercs for Money.
Spider-Man/Deadpool.
Weapon X.
Deadpool vs. Carnage.
Absolute Carnage vs. Deadpool.
Savage Avengers.
Marvel 616 Comics. (Can’t List Them All Lmao)

Postal Dude Media List:

Postal.
Postal Redux.
Postal 2. (Alongside Enhanced Mode and Share The Pain)
Postal III.
Postal 4: No Regerts.
Postal: Brain Damaged.
The Postal Movie.
Road To Catharsis.
Postal Babe Comic Series.
Postal Babes.
Postal Mobile.
Oh… Sir!! The Insult Simulator
Unfortunate Spacemen.

And one final thing before going into this blog, if you’re somehow not aware, these characters aren't the most pg friendly guys around, specifically The Dude and Postal as a whole. Throughout this blog there will be many showcases of brutal imagery, tons of crude jokes, and Postal specifically has many references to public shootings, suicide bombing, animal crultey and lots and lots of outdated stereotypes. So yeah, if this doesn't sound appealing to you, I suggest clicking off. But for those who decided to say, well… Let’s get to it!

Background

Deadpool

"Who Was I Supposed To Kill Again? HAH, DOESN'T MATTER!"

Full Name: Wade Winston Wilson
Age: Late 20’s or Early 30’s.
Height: 6’2.
Weight: 210 Lbs.
Aliases: The Merc With A Mouth, The Regenerating Degenerate, The Crimson Comedian, Big Dee Pee, Talkingman, Spider-Man.
Occupation: Former Test Subject Of Weapon X, Full Time Mercenary, Occasional Bodyguard Of Dazzler, Leader Of Deadpool Inc.
Sexuality: Pansexual.
Likes: Running His Mouth, Firearms & Explosives, The Word Chimichanga, Pizza With Pineapples, Black Olives And Burnt Crust, Street Fighter, Hamilton, Peter.
Dislikes: Department K, Child Murderers, Cows, Ryan Renolds, Arby's.
Professional Jackie Chan Fan.

Throughout the world of Earth 616, you’ll find many familiar, friendly faces. Heroes ready to protect you from all kinds of danger, no matter the size or the power, they’ll help you. From the friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man, to the patriotic super soldier Captain America, to the worthy asgardian Thor, and even the jolly green giant, The Incredible Hulk. But among these superheroes, are the villains ready to attack those these heroes protect. Such as the magnetic mutant Magneto, the ruler of latveria Doctor Doom, or even the hulking mafia boss Kingpin. But in between all of these Marvelous heroes and villains lies a middle ground; The Anti-Hero. A man who means well, but goes about their heroic duties in very unconventional ways. And this description fits no one better, than the one and only Wade Wilson.

Born in Canada to Thomas and Hailey Winston, Wade's life was always pretty straight forward. He left home at the age of 18, and proceeded to join the U.S army special forces. In which he learned a multitude of things, such as how to fight in hand to hand combat, how to utilise firearms, and general other combat skills. Best of all, Wade was very skilled in all of these arts, easily being the best out of all the people he was mixed up with. But despite these incredible skills, he lacked one fatal thing which he needed to be a great soldier; Discipline. Wade was always a bit of a loud mouth, he was always joking, playing around, and being a pain in the neck to most around him. This general attitude didn't go hand in hand with his very questionable morality, which led to him going against specific orders and disobeying his superiors quite a lot. So despite his skills, Wade was eventually kicked off the team and he had failed the one thing he was really good at. Devastated by this news, Wade attempted to commit suicide just before his 19th birthday, but he failed at that too and left him in a twenty one day long coma. Things were obviously looking pretty bad for Wilson, this was until he woke up and found that his skills were recognised by the Central Intelligence Agency, or just the CIA, who invited Wade to join a group of mercenary assassins. And with the promise that he’d be able to kill any scum who he thought deserved it, he signed up.

After this, Wilson went from a pretty good army soldier, to one of the best assassins in his world. He was skilled, he was precise, he was deadly, and he was damn good at his job. This made him pretty happy, as he could finally do the one thing he was good at, and get paid for doing it as well. But Wade's life wasn't just all guns and mercenary business, he had personal stuff going on in his life too. Most notably, he found love in a girl named Vanessa Carlysle, with whom he shared dreams of a better life. Everything was going pretty good for Wilson, and there was pretty much nothing which could stop it… until one day something did. Wade was diagnosed with terminal incurable cancer. This news pretty much destroyed him, and he basically gave up on life. He stopped going to chemotherapy sessions cause he didnt wanna prolong the inevitable and he even broke up with Vanessea, not wanting her to spend all her time with a man waiting to die. Wade was now alone, waiting for destiny to do its work and kill him. But as it turns out, destiny had other plans. Back in Canada, Wade was offered a spark of hope from a government developments lab known as Department K, who gave Wade the choice to be a test subject for Weapon X, a secret government project designed to give subjects superhuman abilities for government purposes. These superhuman experiments could even rid Wade of his cancer, so of course he said yes. And with this he was experimented on, most notably being injected with the healing factor of James ‘Logan’ Howlett, more famously known as The Wolverine.

This worked, and the healing factor was able to regenerate his cells faster than his cancer could kill him, effectively curing him. And Wade was even offered the chance by Weapon X to become a superhero, and fight alongside other mutants too. And Wade did… for a while. You see, Wade's healing factor while good was pretty faulty, and due to this, his cancer came back while also mutating his flesh, making him look absolutely horrific. This obviously enraged Wilson, so he was sent off to the Hospice, an allegedly government facility where failed superhuman operatives were treated. But this was basically a complete lie, as Wade and other experiments within Hospice were used as human test dummies for Doctor Doctor Killebrew and his sadistic assistant Ajax. During his time being tortured at this facility, many patients would place bets on what they called ‘’Deadpools’’ as to how long each subject would live. This went on for a while, until one fateful day. You see, due to Wade's hot headedness and general disliking of the situation, he would mock Ajax by saying his real name ‘Francis’ over and over again. This infuriated him to the point he got absolutely sick of Wilson, to the point he lobotomized Worm. Another mutant within the Hospice and his only real friend. And due to this, Wade was forced to put his friend out of his misery, not wanting him to suffer. But one of Killebrew's rules was that any mutant who killed another mutant was forced to be put down, so Ajax ripped out Wilson's heart and killed him. But this wasn't enough to keep Wade down, as somehow his burning rage and feeling of vengeance was so strong, it caused his healing factor to kick right back in, as he instantly healed his heart and all wounds Ajax inflicted upon him. This also gave Wade many superhuman abilities, like enhanced strength, agility and speed. So using these skills, Wade quickly killed Francis alongside any guard who came his way, busting out of Hospice and freeing his fellow prison mates. With this, Wade Wilson was essentially gone, the man he was before had vanished. And in his place, was a new persona. One whose name was inspired by his former inmates. This new name, this new persona, this new man… was Deadpool.

So with this new identity, and new powers, Deadpool had only really one thing he could do; Return to mercenary work. And with that, he became a mercenary once more, in a very similar manner to Weapon X’s plan of creating mutant superheroes. So with this, he got a costume to hide his still disfigured face and got to work. But once he put that mask on, not only did he hide away his face, but his genuine grief and emotions along with them. While Wade always was a jokey and silly individual, once he became Deadpool, this was turned up to a whole other level. He now lives with an elderly blind woman named Al, constantly quips no matter the danger of the situation, he gained a strange fascination with repeating the name of a mexican food he didn't even care for all that much, and he pretty much turned absolutely nuts. Developing many voices in his head, and even talking to random walls, saying he was speaking to ‘The Reader’... Now that's just weird! But ever since adopting these new traits, he’s gone on many weird adventures. Fighting off fellow mutants, travelling through time, becoming a dynamic duo with Nathan Summers also known as Cable, being tasked with assassinating The Wolverine, teaming up with various superheroes like Spider-Man, The X-Men and much more, starting up his own various superhero groups, and once even hooking up with Death herself and making Thanos, the mad titan jealous. Yeah he really did divert from the serious mercenary he once was… but not entirely. As you can tell by him hooking up with Death, he clearly really wants death, and that's cause well… Deadpool's life sucks. He hides his pain behind jokes and laughs as much as he hides his face with his mask. Despite him trying his best, he’s spent most of his career similar to his military experience; Trying his all and being pretty good at what he does, but being knocked down by others and turned into a villain by people around him. Because despite the jokes and fourth wall breaks, Wade is a man who simply wants to be loved. Just like he once was loved by Vanessa, but he also wants to keep being himself, and those two things conflict. To put it simply, Deadpool is a supervillain trying to learn how to be a superhero, but he’s constantly struggling while doing so.

But despite all this, he’s never stopped it from slowing him down. Cause hey, if you can shrug off a shotgun blast to the face with a healing factor, overcoming your inner emotions can't be much different. And with this determination, he’s been making constant progress. He made friends, started a family, earned the respect of many superheroes, and has even accomplished his original dream of helping out alongside The Avengers, becoming a real superhero. And that’s something to be proud of, especially with the routes he came from. So despite everything, Deadpool has stood the test of time and always kept pushing forward no matter what. So if you find yourself on the hit list of a certain red and black coated vigilante, you’d best hope you're prepared for the unpredictable. Because no matter the emotional struggle or mental battle he’s going through, Wade Wilson will always keep going. Because no one can take a hit better than The Regenerating Degenerate himself.

The Postal Dude

''Oh Yeah, Gotta Get That Petition Signed! Good Thing I'm A People Person.''

Full Name: The Postal Dude Jr.
Age: Early 50’s
Height: 6’8.
Weight: 206 Lbs.
Aliases: The Dude, Postal Guy, Mr. Dude, Mister The Dude, The Postal God, Tons Of Not Nice Insults I Wont Type.
Occupation: Former Postal Worker, Running With Scissors Janitor, Ruler of Paradise, Full Time Unemployed Bum.
Sexuality: He’s Whatever You Want Him To Be.
Likes: Crack, Gary Coleman, Kittens, Petitions, His Weapon, Gruyere Cheese, Nickelback.
Dislikes: The United States Air Force, His Wife, Video Games, Transphobes, Groomers.
Is Stealing Your Catalytic Converter So He Can Sell It To Buy Crack.

Have you ever heard the idea that video games cause violence? This is a common argument many use, claiming that crude and violent video games are rotting kids' brains, and causing them to lash out and become more violent. Obviously this argument is absolutely silly, and it’s been pointed directly at many different video games. Like Grand Theft Auto, Call of Duty, and just about every game with a firearm you can think of. Alongside this, there's the term ‘Going Postal’ which is an american slang for referring to when a worker at their job becomes incredibly aggressive and uncontrollable to the point of violence, and how the stress of modern life can cause horrific behaviour. Now, when we mix these ideas together, what do we get? Well, you get one very strange, and very complicated man. One very complicated Dude. And that one guy is The Postal Dude.

Born in an unnamed town, we have little information on his early life, but what we do know is that the life he had pretty much went to shit. He had been evicted from his home while also losing his job to the government, which was enough to make him snap and try to look for answers on why. The Dude then discovered that the town had been overrun by a plague that altered everyone's minds, infecting them all with rage and the craving for blood. So with this idea in his mind, The Postal Dude believed himself to be the only sane man left and went on a journey to put an end to this madness, making his way to the air force base. And that he did, blasting his way through any who came between him and his goal, and writing constant diary entries after each spree. These entries were absolutely horrific, with The Dude talking like a completely different person, explaining how he wants the world to bleed and for it to rot away and die. He even talked and sounded completely different compared to how he usually spoke and sounded. It was almost as if an outside force was controlling him in some way, making him commit these actions. Making him go Postal. But no matter which idea you believe, The Dudes spree ended after he was found on the floor of an elementary school. He was taken into a mental institution and locked up, being tortured for the crimes he committed…

Until he somehow got out, and wounded up in a far worse place; Arizona. Now living in a trailer park with his nagging fat wife ‘The Bitch’ and his lovable dog Champ… Yeah the series kinda, takes a tonal turn in its second instalment. With this new life, The Dude had far bigger tasks to complete than just ridding the world of a virus, he had to do mundane chores given to him by his hateful wife. These seemed simple for The Dude, just stuff like buying milk and groceries, going to work and grabbing a paycheck, heading to the bank for money, getting Gary Coleman's autograph at a mall, having people sign a petition, and purchasing an actual dildo toy named Krotchy. But somehow, no matter what he did, a situation would always break out. He goes to get some money at the bank? It gets robbed by a group of criminals. He goes to repent for his sins at a church? Terrorists would attack the place causing an all out war. He tries to return a book to the library? Protesters claiming books were hurting the world and damaging trees started ironically killing everyone in the library doing more harm themselves. Visiting his dads grave? He got kidnapped by a bunch of rednecks and put in a gimp suit for likely dirty activities. And these got worse over each day, causing The Dudes patience to be tested to its limits, with the actual apocalypse happening on Friday, as cats rained from the sky and everyone went mad. But this wasn't even the worst of it. Cause when The Dude finally got home. His wife kept nagging about him forgetting something minor like her rocky road ice cream. So being absolutely sick of this town's shit, The Dude pointed a gun at himself and blew his brains out. Because the feeling of a bullet in his skull was much better than his wife's voice in his ear.

After a period of time, The Dude would wake up in the hospital somehow surviving. But it seems the world still did not like him fully, as the apocalypse was still going on, his trailer had been repossessed, and his dog Champ was going to be put to sleep. Oh yeah and his wife left him, but he was pretty happy about that. So The Dude embarked on another adventure to get his stuff back, all while battling through zombies and other things caused by the apocalypse, while also battling his head wound, which caused excruciating pain and severe hallucinations. But despite this he kept going, doing tons of jobs like killing cows, blowing up pigeons, and even being tasked by Running With Scissors (yes the people who made his game) to blow up a rival video game company. And he did, by using a nuclear bomb. But he thankfully saved Champ and found an identical trailer to his, and after defeating an eldredge demon known as Mad Cow Mike J, he drove away from the town with his dog, off to find new adventures in life… Until Champ jumped out the car to chase a cat, and caused The Dude to crash, putting him into an 11 year long coma in which he had nightmares about… stuff we don't talk about anymore.

Thankfully, The Dude woke up, but his headache was worse than ever and Champ was completely gone. So, The Dude returned to Paradise, which was dealing with all the nuclear fallout unknowingly caused by him. There he would learn Champ was turned into a horrifying demon-like entity known as the ‘El Perro Loco’ due to the radiation from his nuke. So The Dude set off on a quest to try to find Champ and a cure for his new condition. There he would meet RWS who knew where he was… only for them to get eaten by zombies. But then he would encounter Mad Cow Mike J, who was able to get the zombies away from The Dude… only for it to be revealed Mike J was getting it on with The Bitch, and due to The Postal Dude then beating her ass in a fight, Mike J made it to where zombies were extra aggressive towards him. The Dude was pretty much stuck in a cycle of getting close, only for him to then lose the chance of finding Champ. All while fighting zombies, piss shooting robots, and even famous child actor Zack Ward. And during all this a constant voice spoke to The Dude, telling him to do more… violent things. Over time this voice got louder, and his headaches got worse. But he was thankfully able to push through it, and actually find the cure for Champ's condition after meeting Gary Coleman who mixed a chemical with his umm… golden shower to create it. But even after getting this cure, his headache was so bad he passed out in front of a group of Middle Eastern terrorists that had turned to the hippie lifestyle. He would wake up and realise his head wound was gone, only for him to then also notice the voice in his head had somehow become its own physical entity who ran off. But before Dude could question it, the terrorists wanted to help him. They gave Dude the stuff they’d need to make an incredibly potent explosive that could blow open a hell hole, as that's where Champ now resides. So The Dude got the stuff, while also having to deal with being framed for his other selves actions. And with this, The Dude made his way to hell as his evil self had thankfully already blown up the hole for him. There he would find the El Perro Loco and turn it back into Champ with his cure. But as it turns out, this day was not done for The Dude. As The Bitch was back, who tried to claim custody over Champ and take him away from Dude. So they fought, and despite everything against Dude, with her turning into a giant demonic monster, he won. The Dude blew away his wife with the spare bomb, made amends with his evil self, and finally left that god forsaken town.

After this, The Dudes life was pretty normal. He had some pretty insane dreams from time to time of fighting off aliens, an actual living virus, or even his previously stated evil self, but nothing much more than that. This was until one day where he and Champ stopped at a gas station, only for The Dudes beloved car and trailer to be stolen. Now homeless and out of money, The Dude and Champ went on another week-long journey of running errands in the town of Edensin. On their journey they work for multiple bosses doing various jobs like cleaning sewers, breaking into meth labs, testing advanced VR games, working at amusement parks, and much more. During this he even found the sister of his now deceased ex wife, who was madly in love with Dude. But that wasn't the only crazy thing that happened to The Dude that week, far from it. Cause one of the many bosses he worked for known as The Boss revealed to Dude at the end of the week that he was actually his Father who left him a long time ago. There he would instantly try and kill his son, as The Dude fought and took out his father, pushing him off a balcony and being saved by The Bitch’s sister who disappeared out of nowhere. After this, The Dude left the town with his dog Champ, sad he didn't have his trailer home but happy he still had his dog. But luckily for The Dude a very kind, strange and almost supernatural stranger gave him his trailer back due to him being a very remarkable individual. And with that, The Dude drove off into the sunset with his dog, ready to take on whatever adventure came his way. This is where The Postal Dudes adventures end right now, but there's likely more on the way. And who knows what they’ll be? He’s gone from an insane man fighting against the world due to the agonizing stress of modern life, to fighting against terrorists, zombies and demons. But while we may not know what his next adventure entails, rest assured, we will have plenty of time to study him. And the one thing we can all definitely see even without studying him… is that he regrets nothing.

Skill & Experience

Deadpool

Overall Experience

Being one of Marvel's biggest characters with a long line of comics spanning over 33 years, it’d be a no-brainer to assume Deadpool hasn't been through a lot during his career. And he sure has.

Even before becoming a mutant, Wade served in the US army and was incredible, his skills being noted as incredible which gave him the opportunity to become a mercenary assassin for the CIA. And due to him still being a mercenary after that, he’s been assigned with some pretty crazy jobs, with it even being stated he constantly takes on the most outlandish jobs he can. These jobs have led him to assassinating pizza delivery men for shitty stuff they did, killing a James Bond-like spy and having to take his place, fighting off each and every US president after they returned as magical zombies, forming multiple superhero groups, bonding with a venom symbiote to the point of driving it mad, becoming thor for one afternoon, and he once even stole the Infinity Gauntlet from Thanos… just so he could make fun of everyone in the Marvel universe at a comedy club. What a mad lad.

During all these adventures, he’s also met and fought a multitude of Marvel's greatest heroes and villains, holding his own quite well. He’s taken on and defeated Bullseye, outdone The Punisher even when he had access to special equipment, took down Taskmaster while his hands were tied up, was able to beat Cable twice, beat a disarmed Captain America to a bloody pulp, and has held the advantage over Wolverine in a fight for a period of time. Wade also generally fights incredibly skilled foes all the time and comes out on top, which there's plenty of examples you can find in… pretty much any Deadpool comic.

Martial Arts & Combat Knowledge

To keep up with all those guys, you’d certainly need to know your way around combat, and Wade knows pretty much everything, plus more!

It’s been stated Deadpool has mastered several martial arts, notably Savate. A fighting style which combines principles of western boxing with a wide variety of kicking techniques, and that shows as Deadpool is a big fan of punching and kicking. Wade also knows wrestling moves like flying headslams, can utilise pressure points to immobilise people, is aware of the location of all nerve clusters, is capable of noting 35 different weak spots in an opponent's style of fighting, can switch up his way of fighting mid battle to trip an opponent up, isn't afraid to fight dirty as it’s stated he’ll bite your ear off if he has to, and one time he beat an entire army of heavily trained ninjas all while talking on the phone. Showing Deadpools incredible at hand to hand combat, even under intense pressure.

Marksmanship

Wade isn't just all fists though, he has a very deep love of guns… a very deep one.

Due to his military and assassin training, Deadpool has near perfect marksmanship and precision skills. In his early days he instantly beat one of those really difficult carnival games, and over the years he’s done over insane feats of precision, like sniping the Red Hulks ear while he’s in a fight, landing shots without even looking, shooting a demon by looking through mirror, is able to hit targets while piloting a plane and speaking on the phone, was able to find a way around Jaime Morales’s Spider Sense to land a shot on him, and once he somehow threw a knife and cut two wires… that were completely invisible.

Weapon Mastery

Beyond just guns, Deadpool is an expert with all kinds of weapons. And yes, he loves all of those too as shown above.

He’s very adept in swordsmanship as he’s sword fought several foes while dual wielding his katanas, once even killing a group of teleporting opponents by spinning them around at high speeds, he’s got skills at throwing stuff as he’s knocked a dragonfly out of the air with just a rock, has pretty good improvisation skills with him once tying up Batroc the Leaper with a normal everyday lamp, and he pretty much owns and knows how to use any weapon he gets his hands on. There's not many things Wade loves more than weapons, which is pretty fair, if I was born in Canada I'd be this crazy too.

Acrobatics

While all these skills are useful, they’re even better when combined with Deadpool's agility, as this guy is very hard to hit. Which likely makes him 10 times more annoying.

Deadpool throughout his adventures is constantly performing inhuman levels of acrobatics, and brushing it off like it’s nothing. He’s leaped around various opponents, has manoeuvred around collapsing buildings, casually performs backflips to avoid projectiles, can cover fifteen yards with just two jumps, has the agility to match Spider-Man in a fight for a period of time, and with his agility alone, he was able to outmanoeuvre a group of heroes to knock them all down.

Stealth Mastery

Despite his pretty bright costume and loud personality, Wade can be a sneaky merc with a quiet mouth if he needs to.

Time and time again, Wade's shown very good skills in stealth. He’s pretty adept at pickpocketing and disarming people, can break into heavily guarded prisons, has snuck up on mutants like Cyclops, and he once even led Cleetus Cassidy better known as Carnage into a trap. Showing Deadpool can be quiet when he needs to be…

Being Annoying

… But why the hell would he ever do that? He’s Deadpool! And being Deadpool means you are very annoying. This is actually a skill he’s been somehow able to utilise in combat too.

With his loudmouth, Wade has distracted opponents with jokes and banter so he can get the jump on them, has amplified The Hulks strength by just being annoying, was so irritating it made Mephisto banish him from hell so he could never listen to him again, and he’s somehow so annoying, fucking Galactus cant stand him. Oh yeah, and he has apparently crafted the greatest Yo Mama joke in history. Watch out Muscle Man and Brody Foxx.

Medical Knowledge

Despite not really… needing to know it due to his mutant powers, Wade has some decent skill in medical knowledge and such.

With his knowledge on the human anatomy, he’s been able to seal wounds with combat epoxy, and he once even performed a tracheotomy with a pen in the span of a few seconds to stop himself from being choked out.

Cooking

Being a regeneration mercenary can't be his only hobby, and it isn't as he has many others. Such as cooking, which he is surprisingly skilled in, once making over 372,844 pancakes just… because.

Musical Talent

''Presenting The Most Overrated Character Anyone Ever Saw, With Five Lines In The Trilogy! And One Of Them Was AAAH''